Home > Reflection, Teaching > A more stable equilibrium

A more stable equilibrium

Today felt a little odd.  I still feel all of the things I did yesterday – strongly and fully – but with a little less vulnerability.  That little change makes all the difference between crying most of the day and generally feeling okay.  Of course, I did a lot to try to make today better.  First, I completely changed the kids’ carpet spots. We have a big meeting area and they’d taken to lounging around in it, falling backwards, rolling sideways, and generally flopping about in ways that stopped them and the kids around them from listening.  My solution to this, perhaps counter-intuitively, was to squash them together.  I made very tightly-spaced Xs on the carpet in masking tape, then outlined the whole thing in tape lines.  The new spots mean they’re almost touching people anytime they’re sitting down…but not if they sit correctly.  Behavior was still an issue today, but oddly the confined space actually did reduce the problems.  I was also much, much harder on my two attention-seeking students and they were both relatively problem-free all morning.  The afternoon…not so much.  One of the girls comes back hyped up crazy from lunch every day.  The entire whole group math time is spent with her saying “Look!  Look!” and pointing at other children, or loudly calling out the answer no matter whose name I’ve called.  “15 after!  15 after!” rings in my ears each afternoon as she yells out where I should put the number 16.

Also today, and very unexpectedly, the literacy specialist who works with me (and with all new teachers to the school) told me, unprompted and with no knowledge of my tears, that I’m doing a great job.   I feel like I’m barely holding it together, especially in the lessons she sees me teach, so it was nice to hear that she thinks I’m doing okay.

And finally, I wrote a nice note back to Saturday’s boy and he responded in kind today, saying that I should consider myself included in any of the group outings he’s part of.  It’s not a relationship, but it might lead to friends, and friends are a really good thing to have.

In the end, today didn’t exactly feel like a good day, but it did feel a lot better than yesterday.  Of course, since yesterday is one of the lowest ponts I can ever remember hitting, I guess almost any day would have been better…

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